did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
