I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
