so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
