We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
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do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize