: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
