I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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