Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
