...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
