i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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