I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
