Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
