Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
