is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sorry my hands just texted you
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
