He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
and you fell through a lawn chair
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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