and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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