Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
