Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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