Whod you bang
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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