just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
