I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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