i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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