When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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