I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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