The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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