I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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