Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
