guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
