i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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