I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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