ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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