if i can run in heels then i can drive
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
