There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
