..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
