ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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