All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
