I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
