is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
