Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
