Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
