Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
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Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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