So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
