So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
