i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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