I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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