just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize