We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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