So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
