just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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