I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
