Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
