oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
