Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
