Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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