She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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