even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
