Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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