As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
