I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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