Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the condom got lost in my hair
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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