Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
