Sry I called you an 8
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
